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Tuesday, June 19, 2007

The Inevitability Of Change And My Decision To Grow In It

I don't know for sure when I became so resistant to change. I love adventure, but also love routines and things familiar. Though I love to learn new things, I tend to fight against those teaching them to me. The more I feel the need to remain in control of my circumstances, the deeper I become rooted in those things that I consider my safety blanket. To remove that safety blanket with a promise for "something better" is like presenting a small child with a new, "better" blankie just because it looks better or is more modern. The child doesn't care about that...neither do I.

When I was a college student, living the dorm life during school semesters and uprooting myself to move "somewhere else" during holidays and summers, I never understood why I would become depressed at the end of every school semester. I blamed it on leaving friends for a period of time or dreading the whole moving process. However, looking back with a broader prospective on things, I now know that I was merely responding to the ever changing circumstances of dorm life. While I loved living on campus..wouldn't have changed it for anything, a part of me subconsciously needed somewhere to dig my heels in and call home for longer than a semester.

I remember when Jeff tried to teach me to play tennis in college. That only lasted for one or two days. I thought I would just get out there and start hitting the ball..had no desire to change my sorry, embarrassing form.....much to Jeff's frustration. Tennis lessons were over!

I fought our first computer purchase..just didn't see the need in buying a new one.

I don't think I fought against going online, but have never appreciated changing providers or having Jeff do anything new to what we have. Thank God he didn't listen to me or we would still be dialing up on our first hand-me-down computer from his Dad.

Almost every year since I started creating slide show videos, Jeff has sought out and purchased the newest programs for me to use.

I fought it.

I have loved every one more than the one before.

I feel that God puts us with mates that encourage those thing in ourselves that we aren't comfortable with alone. I'm glad that Jeff is able to push me into things that I might otherwise fight against. I'm glad he is there to ease me through the transitions when change isn't something we can choose. Change isn't always easy...learning new ways to do old, familiar things can be frustrating....thinking outside the box can leave you looking in and longing for the comfort that can only be offered by crawling back in.

Don't go back.

Get out and stay out.

In the past 15 years, I have slowly learned to put myself out plunge head first into new situations and new opportunities and use my confidence, real or forced, as a shield against all that I once feared change could evoke.
I have grown because of it.
I will continue to grow.

Change is inevitable.
The benefits of change must be earned.


Blogger Stephanie said...

Great post. I too love adventure, but depend on the structure and routine of the "known" and Tim loves new especially gadgets!:) I think we'd all get along well~!

6:35 AM  
Blogger Sherri said...

Hi Stephanie,
Yep, it sounds like we would get along fine!
Thanks for the note!

5:10 PM  

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