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Friday, June 01, 2007

The Heart

It is no small wonder to me that the heart is said to hold all of our love and deep feelings.
I know it's true because right now mine feels heavy, as if I have to work to hold it up.
If I take too deep a breath, try to forget about what is weighing it down, it will fall...it will break.
Every beat it takes screams that which has burdened it, reminding me, reminding me, reminding me.
It is not breaking for the body from which it dwells, but for those who have come from it. When my children hurt, I feel it as if I were walking in their shoes. I feel it more because the hurt is mixed with anger towards that which causes them pain and sadness at not being able to save them from it.
My heart tries to pour everything out of itself and onto them to erase their pain, but all it does is cover the bitterness up for that moment. Underneath, their pain is still real. Inside my heart becomes a little heavier.
I cannot always change the situations that my children face. I know that in working through them they can become stronger, but only if I lead them in a way that invites love and forgiveness into their hearts, while driving out the anger and hurt that fill it up so quickly. For me to help them do this, I have to first do it myself. Whatever fills my heart, will spill over into the hearts of my children.
My mind knows what I need to do.
My mind knows that everything will work out...that the situations are not that huge.
My heart only knows how to feel...and for right now, as long as my children are hurting, it will remain heavy....it will hold all of the emotions that my mind cannot bear...that's all it knows.

5 Comments:

Blogger Irritable Mother said...

Yes, you have described the heart of a mother. I've heard it said there is no greater pain than the pain of watching your children hurting.
I'm not praying for your mother heart to change, but I am praying for you as you go through this time. Sometimes we need to listen to our heart, and other times our mind. It's just hard when our heart screams so loudly!

4:18 PM  
Blogger Sherri said...

Thankyou :). It's amazing how issues that may seem insignificant to others can be so big when it is your child dealing with them.

5:46 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

It's amazing how much we can hurt for someone else.
I love this post!

1:12 PM  
Blogger Gina Marie said...

I feel for you! Watching my kids go through pain is infinitely worse than going through it myself. Everything you said about how they'll learn and how God will use it is true, but it's still hard to bear!

When I think it that, I consider how much God watches us go through painful situations, and the compassion He feels while at the same time allowing things to happen because we will grow through them. What an opportunity to experience the Father's heart.

6:07 PM  
Blogger Sherri said...

Thanks for the notes Lisa and Gina Marie.
Things are much better. It isn't that all of the situations were worked out, but that everyone has peace with them...almost. It's a learning process.
Thanks again.

2:49 PM  

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